I wonder..

Today, I'm feeling rather contemplative. You know how it is, just wondering about life. Wondering what Shane will be when he grows up, and wondering what I will be when I grow up! haha I'm REALLY wondering what in the world Steve will be when he grows up! (just kidding!)

When I was young, I had dreams and aspirations. Honestly, being a mom was never one of them. I wanted to be a singer first and foremost. I wanted to make an album and I wanted to go on tour and be a big star. Well, obviously that never happened. I would still like to make a recording someday and who knows, it may happen. But, right now, my focus has changed dramatically. Since I became a mom, life has done a 180 on me. Do I regret it? Not for a single minute! Shane is the best thing that happened to me since I convinced Steve that his life would be a million times greater if he married me! :)

There are serious things that I wonder about with Shane, and also silly things. This morning, one of the things I wonder is if I will ever be able to go to work again with a clean shirt. Or, will my shirts always have a toothpaste or milk stain on them right where his mouth hits when he comes to hug me after he's brushed his teeth or eaten his breakfast?

Shane is one of the sweetest kids alive. Sure, he's a natural boy, but his heart is just about as transparent as they come. He loves to love. He loves to hug. He loves knowing that he's loved. I just pray that he never ever doubts how much I love him. I know right now, he doesn't have a clue, and honestly, I don't think I do either.

I just sit and look at his picture. I have his picture EVERYWHERE!! His eyes are bright and curious, yet guarded. His heart is wide open for us to love him, yet, with all the pain he's experienced, I know he protects himself as well. I just hope that the walls around his heart crumble and he knows the warmth, peace, and joy of having a mom and dad that love him, and will be here for him forever.