Friend....

I've been thinking a lot today about the word "Friend" and what it truly means.

What is a friend?

A friend is that first real breath you get after you've had the breath knocked out of you.

A friend is the smell of a coming refreshing rain after a season of drought.

A friend is the feeling in your body after a long night's sleep, you wake, stretch, and you feel the energy in each and every muscle in your body. It permeates your being. That's a friend.

A friend is that first tear the slowly rolls down your face when things get tough. It's cold as it rolls down, but fears, stress, heartache is released in it.

A friend is the warm fresh feeling you get when you hear a baby giggle.

A friend is the feeling in your chest when a cat lays on you and begins to purr.

A friend is a ray of sunshine peaking through the clouds after a warm summer rain.

When everyone else has gone, a best friend stays. When times get tough, a friend doesn't give up..ever!

When I try to push my best friend away, she stays just close enough to reach out her hand so that I can take it when I'm ready.

My best friend makes me feel all of those things. The warm feelings that runs from head to toe....peace and rest. Loved.

Words cannot truly convey my thoughts and feelings, but I thank God everyday that I have my best friend.

Wow, it's been a while!

It has been forever since I've written anything. Time FLIES it seems these days.

Lets see, I started my new job. It was nothing at all like I expected. I work with awesome people and am happy for the opportunity to be there, but I need to get back in the classroom. I miss my students. So, I'm looking to make a slight change in my schedule. That's all in the works and I'll post more about it once it's all set. Just keep me in your prayers.

My husband...he's just as busy as ever. They've been working him quite hard at his job, and he is looking for a change now. They did some major layoffs and it hit him. So, after 13 years there, he is now on the hunt for something new. I know God will take care of us, and he was offered a nice package to separate, but it's still a bit scary to have this happen. Please keep us in your prayers here as well as he hunts for the right place of employment.

Shane....well, he's Shane. Ups and downs. He's an incredible kid with a giant heart. He's got so much in his past that you'd think he has every right to hate the world, but he doesn't. He is loving and giving and a sweet boy. He's got his problems, but given his past, I'd say he's doing INCREDIBLY well.

Christmas this year will be great. We are spending it with my Mom and Dad in East Texas. My mom loves it when we come there, and it will be Shane's first Christmas there, so he's quite excited. We are building lots of memories for Shane and ourselves. This is his first Christmas to have a "repeat." He moved foster homes so frequently, that he never experienced Christmas in the same place twice. Now...that is all changing. This is his second Christmas with us and we intend to create as many traditions as possible with him and pray that his roots will grow deeper and deeper in love and trust in us, and more importantly, in God.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

New Job

Well, on Monday I embark on my new career path with Leander ISD. I am excited about this new adventure, but also just a bit apprehensive. Will I be what they expect? I hope not. I hope to be much much more than what they are expecting.

I am going to be working in a capacity that I have never worked before. I will be attending ARD meetings and working more with parents and staff than actual direct contact with the kids. I must admit to being a bit sad about this. I love my students and working directly with them, so this change is one that I am sad about, but I know I will be working to touch even more kids in this new role.

So, Monday morning will be my first day. I certainly hope it is all that I hope for it to be and much much more. I hope to use my talents and abilities to improve what is already there, and to simply build upon the work that has already been begun there.

Well, I guess I will post soon and we will see how things are going!!

Communication Skills Workshop

In less than an hour I leave to go teach my third and final CSW (Communication Skills Workshop) for the year at Texas School for the Deaf. CSW is something I look forward to all year. It gives me the chance to work with others in my field who want to improve themselves, and I'm always excited about that.

I have noticed something a little different this year though. I seem to have developed an even greater passion for making sure the interpreters that I work with feel good about themselves. In our profession, it is SO easy to get down and start thinking that you/we/I are not good enough. I've had people come through my classes last week who were so down because I happen to teach a class that is the nemesis to all interpreters it seems (voice interpreting). It's very nerve wracking and I feel bad when people get upset.

Last week, I actually started to cry in one class when I had a student who had done a very good job with the interpreting, yet she could not find one good thing to say about herself. It made me angry. Not at her, but just at the idea that we've gotten ourselves to this state. The state that if I'm not as good as so and so, then I have no worth in this profession. How did "so and so" get where they are today? EVERY interpreter who has ever become a level 5 or a master, or NIC Master..or whatever, has sat in the same seats as the beginner participants. (Excluding those that are CODAs) and even some CODAs struggle. So, we ALL started in the same place, and it just takes time, work and hanging out with Deaf adults to improve.

I don't know why this has got me all worked up. Could be because of my own insecurities regarding my abilities (I'm quite sure that is it). So, I'm basically preaching to myself here too.

Okay, enough for my rant for the day. I just needed to say that before I head into one more week. A week filled with eager folks looking to learn as much as they can and it's my job to pump them full of information, and help them to fulfill their potential!

Beyond Consequences - It Really Works!

First off, if you want to know what I'm talking about, go to www.beyondconsequences.com

Here goes....

I attended The BCI Instructor’s Course this weekend in Denver Colorado, and if just for this one day, things are this much improved; my life is greater because of BCI and parenting out of a love based model instead of parenting out of fear.

Most people don’t even recognize that they do parent out of fear. And if they did recognize it, they possibly couldn’t admit it. It’s amazing when you really take a step back and take a look at the way that you react to your child’s outbursts.

Prior to attending the training, I was definitely parenting out of my own fear. I was afraid of losing control. I was afraid of having a child, who grows up to a life of crime, or acting on impulse and getting himself into serious trouble. I was afraid of parenting in a manner that other people didn’t deem “strict” enough. When my son would get upset (like he did just 30 minutes ago) and start screaming “you never…” or “you always…” I would be right back in his face reminding him of all the fabulous things I’d just done for him. Let me tell you this story and see if it helps…

We have just spent the day at Starbucks, then therapy this morning. We then went to a store, where my son did a fabulous job of staying calm, with my help, while he selected something to spend his allowance on. We then met my husband for lunch together at a restaurant. Things were going fabulously! (That should have been my warning). I decided to take my son swimming and give my husband a little time to take a nap. So, we came home and changed clothes, then headed to the pool. At the last minute, I decided to run to the store and get a toy boat that he’d been asking for (it was a whole $1.50). He was so happy about that. We go to the pool, all is well and then I decided to hit Sonic for an ice cream on the way home. What a nice day it had been! Yes, I do recognize that I have just created a VERY stimulating day for my son, but things were going so well, I kept coming up with new fun stuff to do together! I wanted the feeling to last.

We arrive home and he ate his ice cream. He played a game with my husband, and then headed out to play with a friend. His friend wasn’t home, so he came back and when I saw the look on his face, I knew where we were headed. I turned around and pulled him to me and asked him what was wrong. He quickly decided that he wanted to do a craft with me. I was right in the middle of cleaning the kitchen, so I told him when I was done, we would do something. That wasn’t good enough. He turned and started to head out of the room. I tried to get a hold of him and hug him (that usually works to calm him) but he wanted none of it. He stormed off into his room. I calmly followed (forcing myself to take deep breathes and not start yelling at him, or FORCE him to hug me to calm him down). He saw me follow him and he turned to face me as he shut his door in my face. I can quite honestly say that in the past, I’d have NEVER allowed that door to be shut in my face, but this time something clicked for me. I stood outside his door and took a deep breath. I could hear him just on the other side of it. I’m quite sure he was braced against it just waiting for me to start forcing the door open. I quietly and calmly said “I’m not going to push your door open. When you are ready for me to come in, I’ll be waiting right here.” He immediately said “you can come in” and he turned the doorknob for me.

I went in and he started throwing things, kicking things, his beanbag chair included, then he flopped down on it and started to scream and cry. He screamed “you NEVER have time to do things with me! You are always working!” In the old way, I would have begun listing all the things we had done together, starting off with Starbucks together at 7:00 that morning, but, instead, I somehow remained quite calm and I lay down beside him on that bean bag chair and said “oh, Shane, I am so sorry.” He continued with “you always have work to do, and you never have time to do anything with me!” I simply stated again how sorry I was and that he looked so sad and possibly angry at me. He continued his rant and I continued to apologize and reflect what I saw in his eyes. He turned and looked me in the eyes. I believe he saw that I was truly sincere. He slowly reached up and caressed my face and said “it’s alright mommy.” I just remained silent and lightly rubbed his arm, and from time to time, his face. I then said “I think we need to do something together. The kitchen can wait.” (This was after a good 10 minutes of me just laying there and showing him I had no where to go). He said “no, it’s okay. I know you need to do that.” I said “no, you are more important than that, so what would you like to do?” ….

So, we spent a few minutes together, and he ended up wanting to go outside and play without me, but, wow….what a difference! He is now regulated, as am I, and I am feeling pretty good about that whole interaction. Now, do I know that I will mess this up sometime? Absolutely! Do I know that there are times it won’t turn out quite this perfectly? Of course! But, if nothing else comes of this, I know it works. I’ve seen it first hand, and was able to take my son from a state of extreme dysregulation, to a calm and regulated state all by simply staying connected, and validating his feelings. THIS is truly parenting out of love. THIS is how I know this works!

I miss my boy...

Well, last Saturday, Steve and I drove our son to go and visit his grandparents. He's never stayed away from us this long, so we were a bit unsure as to how this was going to go. Steve and I stayed until Sunday morning so that we could celebrate Father's Day together with my parents and with Shane.

I've spoken to them most everyday, and things seem to be going well. I know that my parents are quite exhausted I'm sure, but doing quite well with him it seems. He's had a few of his little bad attitude problems, but nothing that they can't handle.

My mom did call to tell me that Shane had made a couple decisions while there. He decided that first of all, we would be going to East Texas for Christmas next year, so my mother was very happy with that idea! He has apparently also decided that we will be MOVING to East Texas, but one more thing...he will live with grandma and grandpa while we live close by so that he can visit. Do you think that he is having a good time with Grandma and Grandpa? I believe he is.

Today, it hit and I miss him a lot. I am ready for him to come home. I will be going to pick him up this weekend, but I sure do miss him! Can't wait for him to get home!

A Fish Called Kevin...

Today, as Shane and I were driving home, I made a spur of the moment decision to buy him a beta fish that he's been wanting for a long time. We went in and got it and he was on cloud 9. We already had the tank and things at home, so we came home to get it all set up.

On the drive home, he was trying to come up with a name for his fish. He first thought he'd name it Ben, from Ben 10. Then, he thought of Jared (who knows why). And finally, he landed on Kevin. I have no idea where that name came from, but hey, it's what he wants to call his fish, so who am I to argue!?

So, we get home and I start setting up the tank. I walk into the other room and he gets concerned that Kevin will be lonely in the kitchen while we are working on the tank, so I tell him to just bring Kevin along with us. (Poor fish probably never had such a bouncy caregiver before!) This next part just brought tears to my eyes.

I walk out of the room and as I'm coming back, I hear Shane talking to Kevin the fish. He is telling the fish that he finally has a good home and it just took some time to find the exact right family for him, but now he has the right family. He is leaned down with his face right at the edge of Kevin's little temporary bowl home and telling him in the softest, sweetest voice, "I'm right here. You don't need to worry. I'll take care of you." That was the most beautiful thing!

Of course now he's out riding his scooter and Kevin is swimming around in his new home, but I suspect we will hear many many conversations that take place between Shane and Kevin! What a cute pair!

I Am Legend...

Sitting here just a few minutes ago, Shane turns to me and says "mom, you are a legend in my mind!" I'm thinking, "wow, how incredible am I?!" Then I ask him to explain a legend and he proceeds to tell me that a legend is simply someone who is remembered for something they do very well. So, Shane tells me that I have 3 things I will be a legend for: 1) riding dirtbikes 2) scrapbooking 3) music/singing. I was sure hoping that an awesome mom was going to be in that list, but oh well!

Then Shane tells me that he is a legend as well and his things are: 1) art 2) music/singing 3) rock collecting. Then, a bit later, he adds that he should probably have a 4th one as well and that would be dirt biking. But, then he decided that since he really didn't like to ride a dirt bike, that he probably shouldn't be a legend of that.

His dad, well, that one was obvious. His dad is a legend in: 1) streetbiking 2) gun stuff 3) collecting stuff.."like going to China and finding cool stuff to have sitting all over the place." We then talk about how amazing it is that he seems to have legendary stuff in common with both me and his dad. He says "wow, that is amazing!"

What a kid!!!

A few of my favorite pictures...

This is a picture that I recently took of my beautiful boy! He loves playing with his legos and one day, he was out playing with his friends, and I decided to snap a couple quick pictures. I might be just a tad bit prejudiced, but I think he is one of the most adorable kids I have ever seen!!

A chapter closes and a new one begins...

I never would have guessed a year ago that today, I would walk into my classroom at Texas School for the Deaf for the last time. That's right. I begin a new job soon with Leander ISD and although I'm excited about this new adventure, I'm quite sad at leaving so many great friends at T.S.D. But, even more than all my friends, I will miss my students the most. They were SUCH a great source of peace and comfort for me. I knew that anytime I needed a lift, my students would provide that for me, so I am sad to be leaving them behind. Hopefully, in my new position, I will find the same peace and fulfillment that I had at T.S.D.

Shane too had a chapter close. He just completed 3rd grade and his teacher this year was absolutely fabulous! I truly do not have enough good words to say about her. She was the best thing that could have happened to Shane. As I picked Shane up from his after school care yesterday, he sat in my truck and cried his eyes out saying "I'm going to miss my teacher! I love her so much!" What an incredible way to touch a kid's life. She was/is awesome!

This also was Shane's first time to spend an entire year at one school with one teacher consistently. Previously, he had moved from one foster home to the next before ever completing a full year with one teacher, so this one is extremely special in his life and is a milestone that we will cherish forever.

Steve's back is still giving him fits. He had another procedure done recently to hopefully help alleviate some of the pain, but it's a matter of time before we know if it worked or not. I certainly hope it does because he really needs some relief.

One day, on our way out to the lake, we stopped at this rest area to take some pictures. It was a fabulous day and these are some of our favorite pictures with Shane. I don't usually get many pictures of myself with Shane since I'm quite often the one behind the camera, but this day, I made sure to get a couple shots of me with my baby boy. This was a very good day!!

Baptism into motherhood...

So, this was our first Thanksgiving together, and I had visions of grandeur as usual. We were off to Arkansas for Shane to meet his Aunt Kathy, and Uncle Don for the first time. Steve's mom is an excellent cook, so I was sure this was going to be a meal that Shane would NOT forget (as well as the 9 hour drive to get there.)

So, we embark on our voyage on Wednesday around 9:00 AM. Shane did fabulously! He only asked once or twice how much further we had to go. He played with his toys, he sang, he watched a movie on the little DVD player, and just watched as the scenery changed. He talked a lot. Oh, and he was thinking a lot because at one point he says "mom..I have a question for you. How do babies come out their mom's butts?" I almost started laughing, but knew I needed to answer, so I simply said "They don't come out there. They have a very special place they come out and one day, you and I will get a book and sit down and talk about it." He was pleased with that answer and went on to the next topic of Pokemon or something! Whew!!!

We arrive in Arkansas and meet everyone and Shane starts exploring! He is fascinated with Aunt Kathy's house! The next day, Shane and his Aunt Kathy went out into the yard hunting rocks. He had a blast doing that! She had planted several River rocks all around their yard before we arrived, so Shane "found" some really nice rocks!

We then prepared to eat Thanksgiving dinner and Shane suddenly wasn't hungry. This was a HUGE shock because Shane is always hungry! He could eat and eat and while he's eating, start telling us how hungry he is. So, when he didn't want to eat, I knew he wasn't feeling well. Long story short, haha, not...he spent the day with a fever and upset stomach. It continued on the next day, and then added a 2nd victim...me! So, on Saturday, we got up to head home with Shane feeling a little better, and me much worse.

Once again, on the trip home, Shane performed spectacularly! He just enjoyed the trip and we heard very little complaining. We go 8 hours and 45 minutes....15 minutes from home, Shane says "I need to go to the bathroom." Then he says he can wait, and about 30 seconds later he says "no, I'm going to throw up!" I scream at Steve to pull the car over. OH, by the way, this just happens to be Steve's brand new Honda Element that we just bought 2 weeks prior! So, Steve starts looking for a place to pull over and it's too late. Instead of staying in his seat, Shane, who happens to be sitting behind me, chose to STAND UP, and lean over my seat and....yes....throw up!!! He threw up 3 times and it went EVERYWHERE..but specifically, all over me!!

Well, with me already being sick, AND having some major issues with bodily fluids as it is, I was doing everything I could to not throw up as well. I'm screaming at Steve to pull over. We almost get stuck in the mud as he is trying to find us a place to pull over. We get pulled over and I jump out of the car and basically froze in shock at what had just happened.

So, we get everyone cleaned up as much as possible (I have no idea how he did not throw up on Billy, our dog, too). We get back in the now incredibly smelly brand new Element and spend the last 15 minutes of our trip in misery just trying to get home and get into the shower. Poor Steve ended up having to do all the clean up as well as comfort Shane (I was in no place to even attempt it). Steve did tell me later that he just wanted to hug Shane, but he just couldn't make himself do it with that vomit all over him! haha

So, we had an incredibly eventful first Thanksgiving together and I'm quite sure we will remember the events of those few days for years to come!

But mom, 1 hour is like 70,000 minutes!!

That's what I heard today when I told Shane that I would like for him to go into his room and rest for 1 hour. I don't require him to take naps on any day except Sunday, and even then, he doesn't have to go to sleep. He just has to stay in his room and rest. He can read if he wants to, but usually, he just watches the clock. Every week the routine is the same, and every week we have the same argument...time. As in, does it have to be a WHOLE HOUR!?!?

Of course, in any other situation, such as how much time he gets to watch TV, or how long we will be staying at the pool, and hour is "like only 30 seconds!" Shane's clock definitely doesn't match the rest of the world's clock! :)

I remember as a kid having the same type of thing happen though. When something fun was about to happen, time seemed to run in slow motion. And when I was in the middle of doing something fun, time went by so quickly! Summers went by like a flash, and the school year, it took forever! (As a teacher it still feels like that!)

I tried to explain to Shane that if he watches the clock, it's going to feel like time is going slower. He said "well, why did God make clocks work like that? That wasn't very nice." I laughed and tried to explain that it just FELT like that. Not that it really was like that! :) He makes me laugh.

My little motocrosser..

Well, today I took Shane to see his first race. This particular type of racing is a mixture of motocross and trail riding, so it's kind of the best of both worlds. I've always been a motocross rider, but I have raced this type of race and enjoy it as well.

So, Shane got to meet lots of people that I've known for a long time. These people are a great bunch to hang around and it's just a wonderful atmosphere for families. Everyone helps everyone else, and kids have a lot of freedom out there. It's out where you are not close to the city, and it's a "family" kind of feeling.

Well, he had a great time playing with his new friend, but taking him definitely gave him the racing bug! He was disappointed that he wasn't out riding his bike like his new friend, but hopefully that will give him the motivation to work hard and learn to ride safely. That was my biggest concern before I will allow him to race and I explained that to him. He knows how to ride now, and does a good job, but sometimes, his judgment is a bit lacking, so I need to make sure he's going to ride safely before I'll let him on a race course.

One thing that absolutely puzzled me today was this. He was playing with his new friend. She's the same age as him and they got along well. They did all of the exact same things as each other, but when they came over towards the end of the day, Shane was FILTHY and Ashley, well, you would never have guessed that she had been out at a motocross track with the LACK of dirt on her. I asked Shane how he got so dirty and he said "I don't know...it just gets me!" I think that's true! Dirt seeks him out!! I was able to get him cleaned up a bit so that we could at least drive home, but it just made me laugh at just HOW dirty he really was!!

But, he had a great time out there and is now in a hurry to go practice so that he can do his first race, and hopefully earn a trophy!

I wonder..

Today, I'm feeling rather contemplative. You know how it is, just wondering about life. Wondering what Shane will be when he grows up, and wondering what I will be when I grow up! haha I'm REALLY wondering what in the world Steve will be when he grows up! (just kidding!)

When I was young, I had dreams and aspirations. Honestly, being a mom was never one of them. I wanted to be a singer first and foremost. I wanted to make an album and I wanted to go on tour and be a big star. Well, obviously that never happened. I would still like to make a recording someday and who knows, it may happen. But, right now, my focus has changed dramatically. Since I became a mom, life has done a 180 on me. Do I regret it? Not for a single minute! Shane is the best thing that happened to me since I convinced Steve that his life would be a million times greater if he married me! :)

There are serious things that I wonder about with Shane, and also silly things. This morning, one of the things I wonder is if I will ever be able to go to work again with a clean shirt. Or, will my shirts always have a toothpaste or milk stain on them right where his mouth hits when he comes to hug me after he's brushed his teeth or eaten his breakfast?

Shane is one of the sweetest kids alive. Sure, he's a natural boy, but his heart is just about as transparent as they come. He loves to love. He loves to hug. He loves knowing that he's loved. I just pray that he never ever doubts how much I love him. I know right now, he doesn't have a clue, and honestly, I don't think I do either.

I just sit and look at his picture. I have his picture EVERYWHERE!! His eyes are bright and curious, yet guarded. His heart is wide open for us to love him, yet, with all the pain he's experienced, I know he protects himself as well. I just hope that the walls around his heart crumble and he knows the warmth, peace, and joy of having a mom and dad that love him, and will be here for him forever.

Surgery

Well, my beautiful little boy is going to have to have surgery. Although, I know it's not a major surgery (tubes put in his ears, and adenoids removed) it's still surgery and he will be put under general anesthesia.

I'm not so concerned about how I feel about it, but more concerned for him. He doesn't show much in the way of pain, so when he is hurting, it's hard to tell and I certainly don't want him to hurt needlessly! I'm also wondering about the oxygen mask and if that will scare him. One of the brochures says to talk about it like a mask that airplane pilots wear to help them breathe. I thought that was a good idea.

He actually seems excited about it. He knows that he is going to get to stay home from school, and that daddy and I will both be there with him for the surgery and that I will be staying home with him one day and daddy will stay home with him the other one. They say the recovery time for this particular surgery is actually very quick, so we will see. With his extremely high pain threshold, he may appear better before he really is, so that's going to be tough to watch.

Anyway, just thought I'd post about this. Of course, with my scrapbooking, I want to take pictures, but I'm not sure what state of mind I'll be in to do that, so I may tell daddy to bring the camera, but who knows if we will actually take any pictures. We probably will! :)

God gave me a bad life...

It's amazing how quickly the statement can go from "This is the greatest day EVER!" to "God gave you guys good lives and me a bad one!" That all came from the fact that this weekend, Shane has gotten to do a LOT of fun stuff. He's been a very busy kid! He's played and played until you'd think he couldn't play any more. Well, that was not the case.

Last night, when it was time to start getting ready for bed, Shane decided he still hadn't had enough play time and asked if he could stay up and watch TV after his bath. I told him no because it was a school day tomorrow. This is the exact same routine we've followed since the day he moved in, but yesterday just happened to be such a FUN day that he didn't want it to end.

He started to pitch a fit. We let him have his little fit (it wasn't too bad..) and we just were going to let him cool down when we hear him holler... "God gave you guys good lives and me a bad one!" We just about busted out laughing! When we finally went in to talk to him he said "IT's not fair! You guys get to tell me what time to go to bed but I don't get to tell you guys that!" We just tried not to laugh and said "You know...you are right!" He didn't expect that answer and he pretty much just dropped it.

He just makes me laugh how drastically life can change in the blink of an eye!

Appreciation...

This morning, after church, I spent time with my 2 favorite guys, my husband and my son. As we sat eating lunch together, and Shane looks up at me and says in that sweet voice of his "mommy, thanks for fixing my lunch so it's easier for me to eat" (all I did was cut it up in to little boy size bites, but that means a lot to him).

It's so interesting to me the things that Shane appreciates. Toys, activities, getting to stay up late, those are the things that Shane doesn't SEEM to appreciate very much. It's the little things that surprise me when he makes a big deal about them. Whether it is helping him brush his teeth right, or making him a glass of chocolate milk. He is a very "thankful" kid and I appreciate that, but it also hurts sometimes. To know that he's had so little in his life, that he recognizes that these little things are a big deal. How many kids at the age of 8 years old recognize the small things? I know I'm certainly learning a lot from this beautiful little boy. I'm learning to appreciate the things I have.

Boys...

What is it about frogs that is so fascinating to little boys? And why do they think it's hilarious to chase their moms around with them just to hear mom scream? Why is it that every little boy has polarized feet so that puddles of water draw them in like a magnet? What is it about dirt that no matter how little there is, it will end up on his face?



See, it's been one of those incredibly awesome days in the life of a little boy. He's tromped in water, searched for minnows in the creek, came home smelling just awful from sweat because he was playing so hard. He has played from sun up until sun down and the day isn't over!



To watch him play makes my heart light. All the troubles of the world seem to fade when I see the smile on his face, and in his eyes. Sitting at the table, he quietly says "mom, can I have a hug? I've been so busy playing today that I haven't gotten very many!" He's just incredible. Sure, being chased around trying to see if the frog will pee on me isn't my idea of fun, but it sure is his! And, I intend to do everything I can to ensure that this little boy has more fun than his share! Sure, there are hard times, and times when I have to put my foot down, but the beautiful, sweet smile of that little boy, and his soft voice saying "mom..I love you" seem to wash the hard times away.



I'm so thankful for this precious gift that I've been given. I just pray that I do right by him and raise him in a way that makes him know that he is loved, wanted, appreciated, and worth more than his weight in the buried treasure that he loves to hunt.

Too Long Gone...

It's been way too long since I've updated my Blog. Life got crazy over the summer and I simply didn't take the time to sit down and write.

This was my first summer to be off and have a son! So, it was a brand new experience for me, but it was good. We all had a good summer, but I believe we were all ready for school to start.

Shane met his new teacher and she seems quite nice. Shane has always liked school, so I hope that continues for many many years.

We started Shane taking Tang Soo Do a couple weeks ago. He asks almost daily if we are going and he seems to really enjoy it. I hope that sticks with him too!

This summer has been interesting because I've been doing a lot of thinking as usual. I watch other moms with their children and I see the bond that they have. They've had since their child was in their womb to develop that bond and I so want to have the same bond with Shane. I know he still, even though the adoption is final, has doubts as to whether we truly love him and whether he will really be with us forever. I hope those doubts melt away soon and he allows us to hold his heart...truly hold it and care for it the way parents should.

I long for the day that I can be the mom that I see so many others being. I have this vision of being the perfect mom. Doing and saying all the right things, and I know that will never be the case, but I want to be the best mom possible for Shane, so I'll keep working on me, and do whatever I can to help Shane trust us fully.